When I found I was pregnant with twins I was terrified! Terrified is actually an understatement!
I already had a 6 and a 3-year-old at home, so when we decided we wanted to have a third I thought we’d be fine, I felt ready.
I thought the gap between each of my kids was good enough and so I was excited to start trying for a third! Never in my wildest dreams did I expect to get two for one!
I was scared and nervous the more I thought about having twins. I was terrified for the pregnancy, I wondered how my body was going to carry two, I was so scared about raising them, I questioned how I was going to take care of two babies plus my other two kids. We live farther away from family and we don’t have many friends around so having help was out of the question. How was I going to do this alone?
My church ward members and neighborhood really pulled through for us and we had a good three weeks of help from family after the babies were born. Then, we were on our own!
Honestly if Heavenly Father is going to bless us with two tiny miracles instead on one tiny miracle, then he should bless us with them as our first children.
If I had my twins first, before I had my other two kids, twins would be so much easier! It would still be hard, but it would really be so much easier and so much more enjoyable. It makes me so sad to say this, but for me, it’s the truth!
If you have them first, then you wouldn’t neglect your other children. There also wouldn’t be any repercussions because of neglecting your older children. Your mom-guilt wouldn’t weigh so heavily on you. You would have all the time you need to cater to them, take care of them, and enjoy them. You’d have time to watch every little cute and funny they do, to play with them, and to snuggle and love on them every minute of the day.
Don’t get me wrong I love and adore my twins and I wouldn’t change having them for anything. I love and adore my older children as well and wouldn’t change having them for anything. I just wish their birth order was a different.
I know this is only for a short time and once the twins get older, probably four years old then things will change and get easier because, right now HAVING TWINS IS HARD!
When I was pregnant, and people would ask what I was having, I’d tell them, “A boy and a girl.” Their eyes would get all big and they’d ask, “Twins?” “YEP!” I’d say. Then, they’d always have to say something like, good luck with that, you poor thing, you’re going to have your hands full, bless your heart.
It got old really fast! I started feeling like twins were a negative thing instead of a positive, beautiful blessing; because honestly if you’re pregnant with multiples or already have them, then you truly are a blessed individual!
Heavenly father is not only trusting you with one of his children, but two! That’s a pretty incredible compliment! (I’m not saying this to toot my own horn. I believed this before I even had twins. I still think it’s crazy I was blessed with these two miracles, and I’m still trying to figure out why, because I definitely don’t feel adequate.)
I was tired of people being so discouraging, even some of my family members were. They’d say things like, I don’t know how you’re going to do this, what are you going to do if this happens (then they’d give a scenario), how are you going to handle all this and with no one around to help you.
I mean I already had all my own doubts and fears I didn’t need people adding to it. I needed encouragement and support.
I know they weren’t meaning to be discouraging and it came from a good place. Mostly from a place of worry and love, but I really just needed people to believe in me and know that we are never given more than we can handle and that I could handle this.
So, that’s what I am going to do for you! Give you encouragement and support, but not sugar coat things.
Twins are hard, yes! This is the reality, but they are doable, manageable, adorable, and so much fun!
You will be very sleep deprived for a good 3-4 months, but you would be with any baby. Yes, the sleep deprivation is a little worse, but you can do it!
It’s not all bad! There are ups and downs that’s for sure, but I promise all the positive that comes from being a mom to twins outweighs all the negative.
You will be extremely surprised what you are capable of. Your amazing body is capable of carrying and birthing these incredible, tiny humans.
Your body is capable of healing and recovering from it.
You’re capable of surviving on little sleep, little food, a lot of worry, and constant crying (on both sides, but mainly from the babies.)
I believe that the reason you are able to handle all these things is because you’re capable of loving those two babies more than you ever thought possible. It drives you to do what has to be done and that love makes even the hardest times bearable and even enjoyable.
WAYS TO HELP YOU SURVIVE THE FIRST 4 MONTHS
1. It’s ok to let them cry
- I remember the first few weeks when they were home I would get so much anxiety when they’d start crying. I obviously can only help one at a time, so here I am helping one crying baby while the other is screaming. It was hard for me. You get used to the crying though, I promise. You come to learn very quickly it’s ok to let them cry, just talk to them to let them know you’re there.
- You have to learn to tune it out and ignore it or you’ll go crazy. You will constantly be hearing crying whether it’s from one at a time or both-of-them at the same time.
2. Get them on feeding schedules that are 20-30 minutes apart (only if you are bottle feeding or aren’t tandem nursing.)
- I had to bottle feed my twins and couldn’t nurse. I made sure they were on a 30-minute time difference with feedings, so I had time to feed one and then the other without the other screaming to be fed too.
- Make sure you do this right from the start, even if you have help from family, friends, or your spouse at the beginning and you both can be feeding one at the same time, don’t do this. You’re not always going to have help, so keep them on the schedule you need them to be on when you’re going to be on your own.
- As they get older you can feed them both at the same by propping them up on a Boppy, this will save a ton of time and is super convenient, then eventually they can feed themselves.
3. Sleep whenever you can
- I’m not kidding on the sleep deprivation. You are going to be exhausted to the point it’s hard to function. Sleep whenever you can.
4. Go to bed early
- This was hard for me because once I got my older kids to bed and then the babies settled, I wanted to take that time to spend it with my husband or get some things done. DON’T! Sleep! This is only temporary. Once your babies are sleeping better through the night you can stay up later.
5. Do whatever you need to do to survive
- If these are your first and you’ve read all the do’s and don’ts from baby books, that’s great! With twins, it’s a little different though. I learned quickly that not everything works the same for one than for the other, this makes things a bit tricker.
- Just do what you need to do to survive, but obviously don’t do anything that will put you or your babies in any danger.
6. Take care of yourself physically, emotionally and mentally
- Make sure you’re eating healthy, nutritious food, and drinking lots of water throughout the day. This seems like the easiest thing to do, but it’s not. You’re going to be a busy mama, especially if you have other kids besides your twins. You will find that your needs come last, but make sure you don’t do that. You need food!
- Talk about your feelings. This was so hard for me. I felt like because of all the discouraging words and doubt I got from the people I love. I felt I had to prove them wrong and couldn’t say anything negative I was feeling. I felt I had to do it all, and with a smile on my face. This is a hard thing to take upon yourself. Talk to someone you trust about ALL your feelings and know that it’s ok to feel negative things. This isn’t easy!
7. Ask for help
- Oh, my goodness, this is so hard for me! I don’t know why I feel I have to do everything on my own. I don’t know if it’s just the motherly/wife role I feel I have to live up to.
- It’s ok if you need help; and it’s even more ok if you ask for it! Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength in knowing your limits and being brave enough to admit them.
8. Find time for yourself
- This will be the hardest one yet, but you have to find time for yourself or you’ll go crazy. It doesn’t have to be long, find a half an hour a day to take a walk, take a bath, go in your room and watch your favorite TV show, whatever it may be, do it, and be sure to do it every day.
It’s not always going to be sunshine and rainbows, but I promise you even during the storm the sun will shine through and you’ll see the joy in this journey.
YOU CAN DO THIS!
For more tips and advice on taking care of newborns go HERE
For tips on sleep training go HERE