I was reading a post one of my friend’s shared on Facebook yesterday. It’s a very liked post that has over 20,000 shares. WOW! That’s pretty-amazing! I read it, I liked it, and I shared it myself.
It was about how stay-at-home moms are not stay-at-home housekeepers. She talked about how grateful she is for a husband who understands that; and doesn’t get upset with her when he walks in the door from work and sees the house a total mess and in pure chaos.
She talked about how being parents is a 50/50 job and that she is so lucky her husband and her work together to raise and take care of their children. When her husband comes home from work he continues to work by her side to take care of the household duties and tending to their children.
She also talked about how being a stay-at-home mom is just that, being a MOM! She said if her child wants to do a puzzle, play a game, play with play-dough then that’s exactly what she is going to do with them. She doesn’t want her kids to ever remember her as the mom who was always cleaning, doing laundry, and doing the dishes. She wants her kids to always remember how they come first before anything else.
After I read her post all my mom-guilt started piling on. The more I thought about what she had to say the more my stomach turned. I really do agree with her on so many things mentioned in her post. I just wish it was all really that simple.
There truly is a bitter place in my heart for social media. There are so many posts, articles, blogs, and opinions I read on Instagram, Pinterest, and Facebook that leave me feeling so down. I know that these things being said aren’t intended for that. They are written to inspire and help others, but for me and who I am they break me, EVERY TIME.
I have the personality type who tends to be very hard on herself. I am a perfectionist, I like things organized, and clean. I am a little bit of a germaphobe; and when you tell me that I am supposed to do something a certain way then I do it.
It’s difficult for me to read about how this lady pushes everything off to the side and focuses completely on her kids every-day. It’s something I have wanted to do and have been trying to do for eight years now. It’s just really hard for me and doesn’t come naturally.
I focus on my kids a lot. I am constantly there for them and take care of them. I play with them as often as I can, but I also do the laundry, the dishes, clean the house, make dinner, and clean it up. I hope that one day I won’t look back and regret that I did household duties over playing with my kids.
As I watch them grow older and older right before my eyes it breaks my heart. I know time is passing by quickly and I often question if I’m doing a good job, if I’m present for them enough, if we’re making enough memories, if they feel loved, if we have enough fun, if I’m too strict, if they feel important.
Here’s my thought process on all this. In no way am I bashing this woman for her post. I think the things she had to say were brilliant and right on point. I just feel it’s easier said than done for some people.
Mom-guilt is honestly ONE of the worst possible feelings on this earth, and I feel it A LOT! My kids are my EVERYTHING! I eat, sleep, drink, and breathe my children. They mean more to me than ANYTHING! I love them so much that I literally can feel my heart swell and almost burst, but I still need breaks from them! (TRUTH BOMB…BOOM!)
Being a stay-at-home mom is the BEST job in the world! I wouldn’t want it any other way, but it’s the HARDEST job too!
You have to deal with all the tantrums, the fighting, the snotty noses, the throw up, the poopy diapers, the messes, things breaking, the crying, more fighting, whining, lots of whining, more tantrums, endless entertaining, constant playing, trying to make everyone happy, teaching, feeding, loving, lack of sleep, helping, more teaching, and the list goes on and on and on. IT’S NOT EASY!
While you’re doing all this every day, all day long YOU can get lost in the shuffle. You may possibly go days with-out washing your hair, your house may still be a mess even after you’ve cleaned it, you could go days without any adult interaction, besides with your husband and even then, you may not have interacted with him much.
For my personality type and who I am, taking small breaks from my kids throughout the day to do dishes, fold laundry, vacuum my house, whatever task it may be, it helps keep me sane.
Doing those things helps compartmentalize my life into, being a mommy, and being a woman. I NEED to get out of the kid zone for a little bit, so I can jump right back into it feeling refreshed.
Plus, having a clean, organized house makes the “mommy” side of me a whole lot nicer!
I truly have no shame in this. Yes, mom-guilt sometimes, especially after reading what I read, but no shame, because this is how I do, being a stay-at-home mom.
Besides, I feel doing certain tasks around the house in-spite-of my kids, is teaching them responsibility. It’s teaching them that real-life isn’t always fun and games. You have to work hard too sometimes.
Her post talked a lot of about husbands and how they need to react better when coming home to a messy house; and how they need to be more helpful with household duties and taking care of the kids; which I totally agree on!
So, I think her main point of her post was to tell all the daddy’s and husbands out there to step it up, but since I have an amazing husband and daddy to my kids. I read all the things between the lines and got out of it, that I am not a good enough mom. (I know! This is something I’m working on.)
Being a mom is tough! It’s emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually draining! It’s totally worth it though, no doubt.
We’re all trying to do the best we can. Sometimes we might fall short, sometimes we might fall flat on our face, but we get back up and try again, because we owe that to ourselves and our children.
Even if you feel your best isn’t good enough, and truth be told it might not always be; but that doesn’t mean it’s going to be like that forever! Your best can come in waves.
I know my best is when my kids are infants. 0-24 months I know without a shadow of doubt that I do a GREAT job with infants. I’m sorry if that sounds cocky, but it’s how I feel. Two years old and up, now that’s definitely where my best comes in waves, BIG WAVES!
All we can do is keep moving forward. Keep apologizing and starting over. You’re only human; and think of it this way. If the best thing your child can learn from you in your shortcomings is that no person is perfect, you need to be patient with others, and you need to be forgiving than I think you’re doing a pretty good job!
If you would like to read that lady’s post go HERE.