I have always been told by my parents (I’m constantly being reminded by them today) that I need to respect my elders. They tell me that I should always be respectful to my parents, grandparents, and elders around me no matter what the circumstances or how I am treated in return.
They even pull the card that the commandment is to “Honour thy father and thy mother.”
We had a big conversation one time about how this is the problem with the world today. That this younger generation has no respect for anyone or anything and they feel entitled to everything.
I don’t fully agree with this. I feel in order to have respect you have to give respect no matter what the age. I also feel that we are all equals no matter how old we are, EVERYONE should be treated with kindness and respect.
I do feel this generation is lacking respect, but I feel a lot of this is because they don’t receive it and don’t have good examples of what respect is.
It is beyond difficult to be kind and respectful to someone who is constantly disrespecting and belittling you. It is difficult to connect with them, and to build a strong, trusting relationship with them if you don’t feel respected, loved, seen, heard, and important.
Have you ever looked up the definition of respect?
Respect– a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.
Maybe what’s wrong with the world is they don’t understand what the meaning of the word respect is.
If we truly base our attitude towards another off of this definition then it can be a little more difficult to have respect for someone because it can be difficult to admire everyone based on their abilities, qualities, and achievements.
What we need to do is just show kindness to everyone. The definition of kindness is the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate. So, the word kindness should be replaced with the word respect and the word respect should be replaced with the word admire. That would make a lot more sense.
With all that nonsense being said my point is if you aren’t kind or respectful to someone, even your children then don’t expect to have other people be kind and respectful in return. A relationship is a two-way street, it takes two people to make it work.
Another thing that is really important to understand is that your children learn by example. If you are teaching your children and showing them that you are a kind and respectful person, then they will follow that example and be kind and respectful as well.
I truly believe that children are naturally kind at heart. They are innocent and pure. They are too little to have had the world corrupt them yet, so if anything, we can probably learn more from them, than they can learn from us.
If your child is pulling attitude and being disrespectful I feel that there is a deeper issue going on and they don’t know how to properly show their emotion they are actually feeling. This can be really hard to get to the bottom of and figure out because children’s brains, emotions, feelings, and actions aren’t fully developed, and they can really struggle with expressing themselves properly. Most of them don’t even know how to explain what they’re feeling.
When my children are being disrespectful these are the things I have noticed that could be the cause of it:
-They don’t feel understood and listened to
-They feel neglected and are needing one on one time
– They are tired, hungry, or bored
– They’re experiencing frustration with a different situation, but haven’t vocalized that or even realized that’s the problem
– They’re over stimulated
Those are just a few things I have really noticed with my own children. It’s really hard to determine what one it is and it’s hard to resolve the problem, but the more you get to the bottom of why they are acting this way the more they become aware of their emotions and how to handle them.
It can be a challenge when your child is disrespectful, especially if it is something that is happening on a daily basis. It can put a wedge between your relationship and can cause your closeness to fade. It can cause you to question if they love you, if you’re doing something wrong, if you are causing this, it can even sometimes bring up bitter feelings towards them. That sounds terrible to say, but it’s true, at least it is for me.
When you are consistently being disrespected negative feelings and thoughts can emerge towards that person, even if it is your child who’s treating you this way. No one wants to be treated badly, especially by the people they love most and do absolutely everything for.
I hope I am not the only that feels this way. If so, I feel so embarrassed right now for admitting all this. I know how immature and ridiculous this all sounds. To allow my feelings to be hurt by a little kid and to take it personally, but I’m only human. I live for my kids, they are my everything, and when I am being mistreated a lot it can be really hard to not let it affect you.
THE BEST WAYS TO EARN YOUR CHILDREN’S RESPECT
– Be a good example to them on what treating people with kindness and respect is like
– Treat your own kids with respect and kindness
– Treat them as an individual who is important and their feelings, thoughts, and opinions matter
– Try not to belittle them in anyway
– Build their confidence through words of affirmation
– Teach them the proper ways to express their feelings and emotions
– Spend quality time with them and make them feel important
– Love them, take care of them, be a nurturing parent
– When you mess up, get angry, or make a mistake, own it and apologize
– Handle negative situations by remaining calm
– Show them empathy, validate their feelings, even if it’s over something silly
– Guide them in making certain choices, but let them have the final decision, let them experience natural consequences and be there for them when they fall
This all sounds so easy right, but when you’re in the heat of the moment dealing with your child’s attitude…sometimes you snap! Trust me this will happen more than once, and you’ll feel absolutely terrible for it every time.
You’re not perfect and that’s ok. Having patience with little ones can be very difficult at times. Simply apologize, admit your wrong doing and move forward. Lucky for us, kids are extremely forgiving and love unconditionally.
We need to instill these things into our children while they’re young if we are going to survive the teenage years, because if we think our kids are disrespectful now, oh boy we are in for a BIG SURPRISE when they are teenagers!
Good luck! Hang in there and remember you’re doing a great job! Remind yourself that your child’s behavior doesn’t always reflect on you, sometimes kids just take longer to develop control over their emotions, they’ll get there.