How to Build a Strong Relationship with Your Daughter

How to Build a Strong Relationship with Your Daughter

As my daughter continues to grow older (she’s five now) I have noticed our relationship rising and falling already. She is way beyond her age (which is scary and hard), she is stubborn, a little selfish, and to be honest can sometimes be pretty-bratty. She’s also so sweet, funny, helpful (when she really wants to be), and super thoughtful.

I worry so much about whether or not we’ll have a close relationship the rest of our lives. I would be naïve if I said I know we’ll always be close. The teenage years will be here before I know it and I KNOW things won’t be easy then, but I hope and pray that our foundation will already be established and strong enough to withstand our challenges and even though we will drive each other crazy at times, we will still have a good relationship.

The only way this can happen is if we start building that strong foundation NOW! She needs to know that she can trust me, that I’ll always be here for her and that she can come to me with anything. She needs to feel safe and secure with our relationship. She needs to know that she is loved and will always be loved no matter what.

I have noticed that as my children grow older my love for them continues to grow, but it’s growing differently than how it was when they were babies.

Having ages 8, 5, and 18-month aged children at home has really made me come to this realization. To be honest I don’t really like it. I have noticed my love for each one of them is different and how I am on a different level with each of them. That sounds terrible to say and I don’t mean it the way it sounds…it’s hard to explain.

This is a strange and new experience for me having a wide range of ages in my home, so I am not used to feeling all the emotions that comes with parenting at this point.

When my children were babies my love for them was indescribable. They needed me all day, every day. I would wait on them hand and foot, and I loved every minute of it. I absolutely adored my babies and wanted to breathe them in every second I could.

Now, that love is still there as they get older, but it’s changing. They don’t need me as much anymore, they are becoming more independent. They aren’t wanting and needing me all day anymore. They are becoming their own, individual selves and I can literally feel my love changing. It’s hard for me to describe, but what’s really the struggle is letting it happen.

Love evolves. It’s no different than when you first start falling in love with someone. For example, my husband and I were so infatuated with each other at the beginning, we never wanted to be apart. We were so in love that I never thought it was possible to love him any more than that, but I do.

Our love has changed over these past 10 years of being together. The infatuation has faded quite a bit, but the love is stronger than ever before. It’s grown firmly into admiration of our history together as a couple. We’ve experienced and endured so much that it’s made our love for one another become more solid and real.

That’s how I feel with my daughter. Over the years our love has developed a history, it has bonded us in ways that can never be erased. Our love is maturing and changing into a real relationship with memories that are intact. The cute puppy love (the baby love) is fading out and the real relationship love is fading in.


I don’t like change. It’s hard for me. I have a hard time adapting and letting go. This is the time where I can either make or break my relationship with my daughter. I know without a doubt that I don’t want to break it. So, I’m going to do all that I can to continue to build a strong, loving relationship.

Some days are harder than others. We butt heads a lot. She can be quite difficult, and it’s either her way or no way, but as the days keep moving forward I am realizing more and more that my control over her is dwindling quickly. She is becoming an individual now, someone who needs to make her own choices and learn from her own mistakes. She needs to fall in order to fly.

It’s so hard to loosen that rope though and let her make her own decisions. I feel the more I loosen that rope the more she won’t need or want me, and I’ll lose her forever.

So, I’ve made it a priority to build and strengthen my relationship with my daughter; to rediscover our evolving love for each other and make it stronger than ever!

 

HOW TO BUILD A STRONG RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR DAUGHTER

  • Spend quality one on one time with her daily (if possible.) If it’s not possible to have the one on one time because of other littles at home, then spend time with all of them. Just spend time together. It doesn’t have to be long, 20 minutes is plenty, but this is something she’ll remember forever.
  • Go on dates with her at least once a month, if possible. I know, this can be financially difficult, or schedules can make this difficult as well, but if you take her out on dates when you can this will bring you closer together by making memories with just the two of you. Plus, it’ll make her feel super special and will be something she’ll never forget.
  • Snuggle as long as she’ll let you! My favorite time of the day is when we snuggle in bed together, or on the couch. She’s a snuggle bug too and I love it!
  • Be there for her ALL THE TIME! If you are busy doing something and she approaches you to talk to you about something, stop everything you’re doing look her right in the eyes and listen to her. Show her she’s number one and nothing is more important than her.
  • When she comes to you with a mistake she made, don’t get angry. Talk it out. It’s ok to show your disappointment and to let her know that, but don’t be angry.
  • Praise her for all the things she tries at. Show her that trying is all that matters, no matter what the outcome is.
  • Be there for her day and night and make sure she knows it!
  • Talk to her! Ask her tons of questions about her interests, school, her likes, her dislikes, ask if she has any questions about life that she doesn’t understand. Have an open relationship that she feels she can come to you with anything.
  • Learn about her interests so you can understand her more and bond over her them. Better yet, have her teach you about her interests.
  • Love her hard, especially on the bad days. Point it out to her, help her realize that even if she’s crabby you still love her so much!
  • Write her notes in her books, lunch, or backpack when she’s old enough to read.
  • Make her feel special and unique.
  • Make her feel that your family will fall apart without her. Show her that her life has meaning, and she has a special role in it.
  • Teach her how to be a lady and to always be kind and respectful to others.
  • Don’t force it. Let your relationship build naturally and have fun!

Change is tough, but you never know what may come from it. It’s never too late to start building a stronger relationship with your daughter.

If you have any ideas on how to build a stronger relationship, please comment. I’d love to hear them.

If you’d like to read a very similar post on how to build a strong relationship with your son go HERE

As your daughter grows older your love and relationship changes. In order to maintain a long lasting and strong relationship with her you have to start now. Here are some great tips on how to do that. tessatomom.com

 

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How to Earn Respect from Your Children

I have always been told by my parents (I’m constantly being reminded by them today) that I need to respect my elders. They tell me that I should always be respectful to my parents, grandparents, and elders around me no matter what the circumstances or how I am treated in return.

They even pull the card that the commandment is to “Honour thy father and thy mother.”

We had a big conversation one time about how this is the problem with the world today. That this younger generation has no respect for anyone or anything and they feel entitled to everything.

I don’t fully agree with this. I feel in order to have respect you have to give respect no matter what the age. I also feel that we are all equals no matter how old we are, EVERYONE should be treated with kindness and respect.

I do feel this generation is lacking respect, but I feel a lot of this is because they don’t receive it and don’t have good examples of what respect is.

It is beyond difficult to be kind and respectful to someone who is constantly disrespecting and belittling you. It is difficult to connect with them, and to build a strong, trusting relationship with them if you don’t feel respected, loved, seen, heard, and important.

Have you ever looked up the definition of respect?

Respect– a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.

Maybe what’s wrong with the world is they don’t understand what the meaning of the word respect is.

If we truly base our attitude towards another off of this definition then it can be a little more difficult to have respect for  someone because it can be difficult to admire everyone based on their abilities, qualities, and achievements.

What we need to do is just show kindness to everyone. The definition of kindness is the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate. So, the word kindness should be replaced with the word respect and the word respect should be replaced with the word admire. That would make a lot more sense.

With all that nonsense being said my point is if you aren’t kind or respectful to someone, even your children then don’t expect to have other people be kind and respectful in return. A relationship is a two-way street, it takes two people to make it work.

Another thing that is really important to understand is that your children learn by example. If you are teaching your children and showing them that you are a kind and respectful person, then they will follow that example and be kind and respectful as well.

I truly believe that children are naturally kind at heart. They are innocent and pure. They are too little to have had the world corrupt them yet, so if anything, we can probably learn more from them, than they can learn from us.

If your child is pulling attitude and being disrespectful I feel that there is a deeper issue going on and they don’t know how to properly show their emotion they are actually feeling. This can be really hard to get to the bottom of and figure out because children’s brains, emotions, feelings, and actions aren’t fully developed, and they can really struggle with expressing themselves properly. Most of them don’t even know how to explain what they’re feeling.


When my children are being disrespectful these are the things I have noticed that could be the cause of it:

-They don’t feel understood and listened to

-They feel neglected and are needing one on one time

– They are tired, hungry, or bored

– They’re experiencing frustration with a different situation, but haven’t vocalized that or even realized that’s the problem

– They’re over stimulated

Those are just a few things I have really noticed with my own children. It’s really hard to determine what one it is and it’s hard to resolve the problem, but the more you get to the bottom of why they are acting this way the more they become aware of their emotions and how to handle them.

It can be a challenge when your child is disrespectful, especially if it is something that is happening on a daily basis. It can put a wedge between your relationship and can cause your closeness to fade. It can cause you to question if they love you, if you’re doing something wrong, if you are causing this, it can even sometimes bring up bitter feelings towards them. That sounds terrible to say, but it’s true, at least it is for me.

When you are consistently being disrespected negative feelings and thoughts can emerge towards that person, even if it is your child who’s treating you this way. No one wants to be treated badly, especially by the people they love most and do absolutely everything for.

I hope I am not the only that feels this way. If so, I feel so embarrassed right now for admitting all this. I know how immature and ridiculous this all sounds. To allow my feelings to be hurt by a little kid and to take it personally, but I’m only human. I live for my kids, they are my everything,  and when I am being mistreated a lot it can be really hard to not let it affect you.

 

THE BEST WAYS TO EARN YOUR CHILDREN’S RESPECT

– Be a good example to them on what treating people with kindness and respect is like

– Treat your own kids with respect and kindness

– Treat them as an individual who is important and their feelings, thoughts, and opinions matter

– Try not to belittle them in anyway

– Build their confidence through words of affirmation

– Teach them the proper ways to express their feelings and emotions

– Spend quality time with them and make them feel important

– Love them, take care of them, be a nurturing parent

– When you mess up, get angry, or make a mistake, own it and apologize

– Handle negative situations by remaining calm

– Show them empathy, validate their feelings, even if it’s over something silly

– Guide them in making certain choices, but let them have the final decision, let them experience natural consequences and be there for them when they fall

This all sounds so easy right, but when you’re in the heat of the moment dealing with your child’s attitude…sometimes you snap! Trust me this will happen more than once, and you’ll feel absolutely terrible for it every time.

You’re not perfect and that’s ok. Having patience with little ones can be very difficult at times. Simply apologize, admit your wrong doing and move forward. Lucky for us, kids are extremely forgiving and love unconditionally.

We need to instill these things into our children while they’re young if we are going to survive the teenage years, because if we think our kids are disrespectful now, oh boy we are in for a BIG SURPRISE when they are teenagers!

Good luck! Hang in there and remember you’re doing a great job! Remind yourself that your child’s behavior doesn’t always reflect on you, sometimes kids just take longer to develop control over their emotions, they’ll get there.

 

Respect is a two-way street, it doesn't come for free. You need to earn respect in order to receive it, even with your children. tessatomom.com

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How to Build a Strong Relationship with Your Son

As I sat and watched my oldest son play with his younger siblings I thought to myself, oh, how I adore him! When did he become so grown up? Where has the time gone? Why does it have to go by so fast? Will we always be close? What does the future hold for us? As I pondered these things it was hard for me not to become emotional.

I worry so much about whether or not we’ll have a close relationship the rest of our lives. I would be naïve if I said I know we’ll always be close. The teenage years will be here before I know it and I KNOW things won’t be easy then, but I hope and pray that our foundation will already be established and strong enough to withstand our challenges and even though we will drive each other crazy at times, we will still have a good relationship.

The only way this can happen though is if we start building that strong foundation NOW! He needs to know that he can trust me, that I’ll always be here for him and that he can come to me with anything. He needs to feel safe and secure with our relationship. He needs to know that he is loved and will always be loved no matter what.

I have noticed that as my children grow older my love for them continues to grow, but it’s growing differently than how it was when they were babies.

Having ages 8, 5, and 18-month aged children at home has really made me come to this realization. To be honest I don’t really like it. I have noticed my love for each one of them is different and how I am on a different level with each one of them. That sounds terrible to say and I don’t mean it the way it sounds…it’s hard to explain.

This is a strange and new experience for me having a wide range of ages in my home, so I am not used to feeling all the emotions that comes with parenting at this point.

When my children were babies my love for them was indescribable. They needed me all day, every day. I would wait on them hand and foot, and I loved every minute of it. I absolutely adored my babies and wanted to breathe them in every second I could.

Now, that love is still there as they get older, but it’s changing. They don’t need me as much anymore, they are becoming more independent. They aren’t wanting and needing me all day anymore. They are becoming their own, individual selves and I can literally feel my love changing. It’s hard for me to describe, but what’s really the struggle is letting it happen.

Love evolves. It’s no different than when you first start falling in love with someone. For example, my husband and I were so infatuated with each other at the beginning, we never wanted to be apart. We were so in love that I never thought it was possible to love him any more than that, but I do.

Our love has changed over these past 10 years of being together. The infatuation has faded quite a bit, but the love is stronger than ever before. It’s grown firmly into admiration of our history together as a couple. We’ve experienced and endured so much that it’s made our love for one another become more solid and real.

That’s how I feel with my son. Over the years our love has developed a history, it has bonded us in ways that can never be erased. Our love is maturing and changing into a real relationship with memories that are intact. The cute puppy love (the baby love) is fading out and the real relationship love is fading in.


I don’t like change. It’s hard for me. I have a hard time adapting and letting go. This is the time where I can either make or break my relationship with my son. I know without a doubt that I don’t want to break it. So, I’m going to do all that I can to continue to build a strong, loving relationship.

Some days are harder than others. We butt heads a lot. He can be quite difficult and stubborn more often than not, but as the days keep moving forward I am realizing more and more that my control over him is dwindling quickly. He is becoming an individual now, someone who needs to make his own choices and learn from his own mistakes. He needs to fall in order to fly.

It’s so hard to loosen that rope though and let him make his own decisions. I feel the more I loosen that rope the more he won’t need or want me, and I’ll lose him forever.

So, I’ve made it a priority to build and strengthen my relationship with my son; to rediscover our evolving love for each other and make it stronger than ever!

 

HOW TO BUILD A STRONG RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR SON

  • Spend quality one on one time with him daily (if possible.) If it’s not possible to have the one on one time because of other littles at home, then spend time with all of them. Just spend time together. It doesn’t have to be long, 20 minutes is plenty, but this is something he’ll remember forever.
  • Go on dates with him at least once a month, if possible. I know, this can be finically difficult, or schedules can make this difficult as well, but if you take him out on dates when you can this will bring you closer together by making memories with just the two of you.
  • Snuggle as long as he’ll let you! My favorite time of the day is when we snuggle in bed together and talk. We talk about anything and everything. I love it!
  • Be there for him ALL THE TIME! If you are busy doing something and he approaches you to talk to you about something, stop everything you’re doing, look him right in the eyes and listen to him. Show him he’s number one and nothing is more important than him.
  • When he comes to you with a mistake he made, don’t get angry. Talk it out. It’s ok to show your disappointment and to let him know that, but don’t be angry.
  • Praise him for all the things he tries at. Show him that trying is all that matters, no matter what the outcome is.
  • Be there for him day and night and make sure he knows it!
  • Talk to him! Ask him tons of questions about his interests, school, likes, dislikes, ask if he has any questions about life that he doesn’t understand. Have an open relationship that he feels he can come to you with anything.
  • Learn about his interests so you can understand him more and bond over his interests. Better yet, have him teach you about his interests.
  • Love him hard, especially on the bad days. Point it out to him, help him realize that even if he’s crabby you still love him so much!
  • Write him notes in his books, lunch, or backpack when he’s old enough to read.
  • Make him feel special and unique.
  • Make him feel that your family will fall apart without him. Show him that his life has meaning, and he has a special role in it.
  • Teach him how to be a gentleman and to always be kind and respectful to others.
  • Don’t force it. Let your relationship build naturally and have fun!

Change is tough, but you never know what may come from it. It’s never too late to start building a stronger relationship with your son.

If you have any ideas on how to build a stronger relationship, please comment. I’d love to hear them.

 

A mother and son's relationship is precious. Here are some great ideas on how to build a strong relationship wit your son. tessatomom.com

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